Tonight’s playlist while running:
** Larger than Life
** For You Almighty
** Spirit is Strong
** With You
** Nothing Can Stop
** All for You
All by LiveLoud Band, in house youth band of YFC.
Ah I missss the feeling. I instantly felt lighter. And after 2 lapses, my heart felt like it might burn.. I stopped and walked instead and I took refuge on a swing. I push myself to go upward.. And up I went. My nerves one by one started to calm down.. The worship songs still playing in the background. Then the wind started to cool and begin slapping my face. And I felt like a child in a Father’s embrace.. I wanted to fall asleep.. I’ve never been that calm and light and zoned out for quite sometime now. And I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could. I almost wish to cry.. I almost did. I stayed that way for three or four songs. I needed to wake up from my “power nap” coz I have company. And it’s not like I can spend the entire night in the park.
I ran another round and headed to go home.
Few minutes after I arrived home from the Grand Easter Feast earlier, my niece barge into my room asking me to go jogging with them. It was out of my plan since I’m still exhausted and it was already late, and I need to eat coz all my stomach digested for the entire day were bread and crackers and a chicfillet meal from McDonalds (only). But I decided to join anyway since they’ve always been supportive whenever I ask company from them. I felt that it was my turn. Besides, last night’s run needs a follow up to really get me going, and to condition my breathing again.
Tonight’s playlist was different. Way way different.
I ran with worship songs humming in the background. It’s been a while since I listen to them. And it’s kinda refreshing and ashaming at the same time. Grace is quite hard to handle sometimes. But it undeniably lifted my spirits up.
I could forgive alright, but to forget, I think not. That would be asking for too much. I know it’s quite ironic that I have a habit of forgetting things that happened just a few seconds ago yet, I cannot seem to forget what you did, months back, or even years before. I guess this is how my brain’s been wired— that in its miniscule memory capacity, it always chooses to remember the ugly— the hurts, the betrayals, the hardblows, the monsters, that which aches. Much as I wanted to vanish them in the little drive that contains these horrific bytes, I cannot… Or probably I just didn’t want them to get busted badly enough.. Maybe it is my own doing that they stay.
Deliberate or not, they are there.. Like a mark, a cookie— silently creeping in, probably even growing.
So don’t ask me to forget, I’d probably short-circuit if you’d do that.
and here’s my playlist during my evening walk/run:
+ Counting Stars - One Republic
+ Waiting for Superman - Daughtry
+ Demons - Christina Grimmie Cover
+ On Top of the World - Imagine Dragons
+ Love Somebody - Maroon 5
+ Best Day of my Life - American Authors
+ Say Something - A Great Big World
+ Brave - Sara Bareilles
+ The Other Side - Jason Derullo
+ Highway Don’t Care - Tim McGraw ft. Taylor Swift
+ Helluva Life - Frankie Ballard
Nightmares which involve loads of running are exhausting. Add to that waking up, albeit not out of breath, but all sweaty coz the sun keeps glaring and scorching even I’m inside, on a sheltered bed.
but the day’s young, Im still giving this afternoon a chance. Still hoping for a smile at the end of the day. Will you give me that? Please?
You won’t have to be so tough forever..
But you need to, at least, for now.
You may need to let your guard down,
And straightened up that frown
You may need to outgrow your sweatpants
And try wearing dainty gowns
You may break your own voices
And head to uncharted town
But not until four footsteps
Are marring those finest sands
That you must let your hair down
And let yourself be scorched by the sun